BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
