the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
