So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
