Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
