Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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