I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
