You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
