you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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