He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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