forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
