Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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