Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
