I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize