My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
