im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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