I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Mom said you looked used
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
