we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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