I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize