I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
