then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
