The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
