While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
