She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
