Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
