I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
