I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
