Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
