i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
