Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
