you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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