I look better un-naked...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
