if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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