this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize