i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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