I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
