Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
