Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize