1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
