He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
