are you still at the devil's house?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
