I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize