Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
