FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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