He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize