TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
