That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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