is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
