Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
