are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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