She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
