He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
