He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
