On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
