Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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