nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
