What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
