It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
