dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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