Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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