Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
