Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
