remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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