Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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