just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize