that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
