About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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