i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
