I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had sex on a roof
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
