I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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