New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
