Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
