I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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