Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
