you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
