you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
