you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize