whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
