I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
