Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
BRING THE BAGELS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize