Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
