I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
