just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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