sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
