You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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