People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
