Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
