Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
