even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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