dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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