If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
