I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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