So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
