i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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