1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
