omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
