My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
