4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
