I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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