there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All the doctor said was why
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
