I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize