Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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