just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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