Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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