i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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