I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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