There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
