Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
