There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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