I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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