Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
