What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize