yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
