Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
