Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
